Have you ever dated someone and thought… “She could be the one.” Then you have one appointment with your therapist and tell her about this amazing new potential partner you’ve met, and it makes you wonder, “Are we a good match?”
The story goes on about how amazing the chemistry is between you, how sexy she is, and when you are together you feel like going on your Jamaican honeymoon… yesterday.
You are wearing the rose colored glasses my friend, and boy are they thick. They are even thicker than the bottom of a coke bottle, and they make your eyes look so big, and your heart feels even bigger.
You think you could fall in love with this handsome rugged guy who kisses you like a storybook Italian stallion who jumped off the white horse to scoop you up and whisk you away to never never land. And you forget all about that he never holds down a job.
Your therapist looks at you with a perplexed look on her face and says… “Do you have a list?”
“Say what? A list? A list for what? A shopping list?” You croon.
“Something like that,” she responds.
When you are dating and looking for EPIC Love or a date, you need to have a few Love Map to make the best of your Love potential.
I know, I know, it might sound fishy to you, and it did me to… until I wrote the list. You don’t want to be stuck with someone who has stinky feet and bathing every day is very important to you.
The story above was real and it happened to me (thank you Lynn!) and I wasn’t in a relationship with that non-compatible man for much longer.
Neil Clark Warren has a book called “Two Dates Or Less,” That really delves into the lists and has really detailed examples of the most popular things on people’s lists. He also suggests you have a deal breakers list.
I highly encourage having this list as well, as long as you don’t focus on the deal breakers and make the baggage from your past relationships the center of your dating life.
You need a list of qualities that are important to you so you can have a good fulfilling relationship. Sure kissing is important, but when I finished my list, that guy didn’t make the cut. We just didn’t match up, on enough levels. But, until I had the list, I thought he was a perfect fit. It must have been those pillowy lips he had going on.
I started with a big list of about 40 things. He only met 3. Jinkies!
13.3% is NOT a match made to last.
There are people out there who will meet even the biggest of lists, so don’t hold back.
So what kinds of things do you put on this list?
Not physical traits such as, she’s got to be German, or have red hair or blue eyes or glasses. These kinds of things can cause you to miss out on something really great, because you are overlooking a women’s totally compatible qualities because she doesn’t have blonde hair.
Common Examples For Your Love Map
- Having a fulfilled passionate life
- Sexual preference (do you like it once a day or once a month?)
- Religion or spirituality
- Sense of humor
- Alpha or passive
- Clothing style
- Is family important?
- The arts
- Similar eating
- Physical fitness
- Communication style
- Traditional or more modern gender roles
- Quality time spent with your partner (are you a loner and she’s a social butterfly?)
- Financial stability
- Do you both want kids?
- Alcohol consumption (how much is too much? 1 beer or 10?)
There are 3 steps to making the EPIC Love Map
- Make the big one.
You can make this list a doozie! Imagine your perfect partner and make it as big as you want. Spend some time on getting to know yourself.
It’s good to get very clear on what you are looking for. Were you a waitress in college and tip 20% and up? Are you willing to compromise with a man who only tips 15%? If tipping is important to you put it on there. Does you want a women who reminds you to call your mom on Mother’s Day? Put it on there.
- Reread it.
Figure out what is most important to you from the perfect partner list. Learn about yourself, and your core foundation and values. Are there things on this list that you are not willing to change? If you are a vegan and he’s King of the BBQ, could you handle going to bed every night with a man that has meat mouth?
- Get out the red pen.
Now can fine-tune your list down to 5-10 of the most important perfect for you, partner qualifiers. If you want one boy and one girl, and he just wants a cat that is a big disconnect, and in the long run you are better off not hitching up for the long term, because it will be painful for both of you. Because one of you will be compromising on value that neither of you really want to trade-off.
If you dream of the swing set in the yard and he wants to travel the world with his one and only without diapers and munchkins, keep looking. Even if you have good chemistry and communication, it’s better to say next please and line up another date. Dating is an adventure, and if you don’t have a map you don’t know where you’ll end up.
If you have a Love Map for the partner you are looking for, you will have a better chance or recognizing that person when your eyes meet for the first time. Know yourself and know what is important to you and your love life will flourish!