Ways to improve your relationship, epic dating, epic love, epic relationships

9 Ways to Help Your Relationship

I’m excited to have the first guest blog post today from Dating and Relationship Blogger Sylvia Harmon. We’ve been focusing a lot on dating on this site, but this is for the folks who are in a relationship and are ready to spice things up in the romance department. When you’ve been with someone for a while, you can feel like you’re stuck in a rut. These ideas are great for singles who will someday be with that special someone! Enjoy the first guest blog post and please feel free to share with your friends.

Being in a relationship can be amazing and trying at times– sometimes the switch can occur across a few weeks or as little as a few sentences. But do you feel like your relationship has been more trying recently rather than amazing? While it’s natural to move through rough patches in a relationship, it’s more important that we know how to deal with them and move beyond them. I’ve compiled a list of 9 ways you can help your relationship and don’t worry, you can even use these tips if you are blissfully happy. It never hurts to take preventative measures.

1. Work on yourself

Before focusing on what’s wrong with your relationship, take a step back and look at yourself. Are you making yourself happy? Are you happy with your health, your job, your attitude, etc.? If not, then it’s time to work on you. The best way to be in love with someone else is to love yourself first.

2. Go on creative dates

Remember when you first met and the two of you would surprise each other with fun, new things to do? What happened? Now it’s just dinner with some shopping thrown in here and there. Get back out there, get dressed up, get explorative and take on the town, country, city, whatever! Here’s some ideas to get you started.

3. Surprise each other

In the same vein as above, think back to how you both used to surprise each other with little gifts, favors, and dates? Bring ‘em back. Plan an all-expenses paid weekend getaway for your partner. Bring them breakfast in bed or pick up their favorite coffee for no reason. Surprises don’t have to cost you a lot money, just think of small ways you can do something nice for your partner.

4. Get sexy in the bedroom

Ditch the good ole fifteen minute routine you guys have nailed down and try to experiment a little. Bust out some lingerie or sex toys from Adam and Eve, surprise them in the kitchen or car or start talking dirty. Breaking from your routine, even just a little, can make you feel totally invigorated.

5. Take time apart

It’s important to take some time apart if you live together or spend a lot of time together. Go visit a friend for the weekend, stay with your parents for a few days or simply just don’t call each other for a few days. The absence keeps you both aware of what you have and to not take each other or your time for granted.

6. Share secrets

Share some deep secrets with each other if you feel like you’ve lost the connection recently. Sharing with one another can cause you to form an automatic bond and have a deeper understanding of each other. It also builds the trust between the two of you and can make you feel much closer.

7. Get sexty

Send your boo a few racy texts during the workday the next time you feel like your attraction to each other has turned down a little. This is a great way to fire things back up. Run to the bathroom and snap a sexy pic for them or tell them what you’re going to do to them when they get home. The anticipation will get to both of you and keep you on you toes.

8. Know when to forget the past

The saying forgive and forget exists for a reason. If your partner did something in the past that you forgave them for, then it’s also time to forget it. It doesn’t help when you keep bringing up old issues or incidents. In fact, you’re causing more damage doing this than the original problem did. If they have moved on then it’s time for you to as well.

9. Explore new things together

Getting a little bored? Start exploring new hobbies together. Find something you both have in common, like wanting to cook better or learning how to rock climb and then set out to do it together. Experiencing something new with each other creates a bond as well as a support system for each other. Push each other and you’ll find that you’re happier than ever and no longer bored.
Sylvia Harmon is a sex and relationship blogger currently living in sunny Orlando, Florida.

don’t give up on love

If you are ready to give up on love, read this.

Have you just had enough in the quest of looking for Epic Love with all of this epic dating?

Are you still single even though you have been on 25 dates in the past 3 months? After emailing, texting, taking what seems like too many phone calls and getting ready for way too many first dates and you are still single.

You have been participating in Epic Dating (seriously) in the hopes of finding Epic Love?

Not even one person had any potential as a partner for more than that hour over coffee. Have you been on date after date and you haven’t felt that something, that spark, or even an ounce of juicy chemistry?

I have some free dating advice for women that also hold true for men. If you are ready to give up on love the best bit of dating advice I can give you is… Don’t quit. And I mean it. You might need to take a break, but don’t give up on love.

Sometimes it doesn’t just fall in your lap, but don’t give up on love because it is your birthright and Epic Dating can lead to Epic Love if you don’t quit and keep on believing that love is possible for you.

I listen to Hay House Radio all the time and one of the shows I often tune in to is Jake Steinfeld Take a Shot! He always reads this poem and you can apply it to every area of your life. Take a shot and read on; because even when you feel like you have tried and failed there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

-       Author unknown

If you were alone on Valentine’s Day, remember, the best if yet to come. Just remember if you want Epic Love in your life, don’t quit.

Keep smiling. Keep telling yourself you are beautiful. Tell yourself everyday that you are loved and loveable. This epic love will grow inside of your and open your heart. When you let the epic love well up inside of you and you start spreading it around… then you will be ready.

The 7 Step Cookie Jar Method To Have An Epic Dating Life & Great Communication

I’m always talking about dating, sex, love and relationships with all kinds of people that I meet from all walks of life, and I pay attention to what they say.

A man I know, who I kind-of met online, and kind-of met in a coffee shop, have become great friends and you can guess what our favorite topics is… relationships.

We’re always discussing the way women and men work together, why we disconnect, what bugs us, what we like, and what can make our dating, love and relationship lives Epic. The best free dating advice I can give to you any day, is to have communication, communication and even better communication. I want for everyone to have Epic Communication

Being a good communicator does not mean talking constantly. It is so much more than that.

My Epic Dating buddy sent me a message on Facebook the other day, and it really got me thinking.  He said he’s been chatting with a new woman who is smart, educated and attractive. But he saw one big red flag. She talks so much and he can barely get a word in.

He wanted to clarify the difference between talking and chatting.

He said “talking is high quality communication in which both people flow back and forth between speaking and listening. Chatting is nonstop speaking with little attention paid to whether the listener is actually engaged, and actively ignoring disinterested body language.”

Do you want to be the annoying, unaware, chatty Cathy?  Do like it when someone talks “at” you and not with you?

My friend asked if women consider it rude behavior. My vote it a big YES. He also said he finds it very unattractive and has observed this behavior in MANY women. I hope you are not one of these women, but when you get into your head, you are not paying attention.

So when you are meeting someone new what are you doing?

If you feel nervous and want to fill the space up with your voice, you need to practice the art of being present. Buddhists call this mindfulness.

Being mindful will help you in every area of your life and especially with every relationship. I’ve developed a simple tool using the art of cookies to give you a visual you can use when you are in an actual conversation.

Dina Z Colada’s Cookie Jar Method for great communication that comes from my Epic Dating, Love & Relationship Kit coming soon.

You can practice this Cookie Jar Widget by yourself to become more mindful first.

1. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Imagine sitting across from someone you are interested in. It can be someone you’ve never met or someone you already know and like.
2. Now imagine what the scene would be like inside your mind. What would you do? What would you say? How would you sit? What are you wearing? Where are you looking? Are you wanting to talk? Are you wanting to fill the space with your thoughts and your words, so you can feel like you are in control of something?
3. Now imagine your words visually. Imagine everything you want to say in actual letters and words coming out of your mouth. Kind of like on Sesame Street or another children’s show.There can be big letters, small letters, and jumbled nonsense letters. These are just words, and you can do something with them. You will have to because they are filling up the entire room and there is barely space to breathe.
4. Slow yourself down. Breath slowly and deeply.
5. Imagine a cookie jar in your mind’s eye. It can be big or small. Any color or shape that you choose. Whatever cookie jar you imagine is perfect for you.
6. Now visualize all the words being put away. The words that came from your mouth that are filling the room, are now going into the cookie jar. It can be fast or slow, whatever works for you is perfect.
7. Now put the lid on the cookie jar. Putting the lid on, doesn’t mean you can never say these words. The words are in the cookie jar and you can take the lid off of the jar anytime you choose.  You don’t have to eat all the cookies at once or say everything at once. You can dish them out slowly when you want to give someone a treat.

If you talk too much and don’t listen enough, it’s like eating a whole jar of cookies.

You feel too filled up and icky from so many sugar. Words are exactly the same way. You don’t have to say everything at once. Allow a little mystery. Keep some space in between each cookie you share with someone. And build up the anticipation of having another cookie another day.

If you don’t talk just enough, it leaves the person wanting more of your yummy cookies.

Less is more when it comes to talking too much and cookies.

So keep reading my blog and being part of the Epic Relationship Tribe so together we will have  Epic dating, Epic love and Epic Relationships, and Epic Sex.

The Top 12 Reasons Why He Suddenly Quit Calling. Free Dating Advice For Women

I was shopping in one of my favorite consignment stores and found an awesome bikini for my trip to LA. yesterday. Shopping and talking about men with the girls is so good for a woman’s soul. It releases oxytocin and we feel so much better about ourselves when it floods our body.

Whenever I’m in the store, we always talk about dating love and relationships, and of course I am always dishing out free dating advice for the women working and shopping there. I can’t get enough of teaching and learning about men, women and the challenges we all face when we are connecting. Or disconnecting, which is often the case in our Jetson’s style dating world.

My girlfriend in the store had a major complaint. She wanted to know why he suddenly stopped calling. She didn’t understand why the men quit calling after the 5^th time. She was wondering what was it about the 5^th phone call that scared them all away.  What is it with the number 5 anyway?

I did a little research and found that the number 5 symbolized some of the following:

Change

Adventure

Freedom

Adaptability

Travel

Motion

These number 5 symbols are the traits that masculine energy exudes. Men are action oriented. Men are in constant motion and seem to LOVE freedom. It makes sense doesn’t it? Are 5 phone calls too many before meeting a new guy from an online dating site?

I don’t know what my friend’s conversations were like, but in more general terms these are some reasons explaining why he suddenly stopped calling.

1. Too many phone calls

Are you talking with a man every night before you have even met? It is showing him that you have too much time to focus on him. Do not talk on the phone every night unless that is in your agreement and you are exclusive

2. The phone calls were too long

If you are talking for an hour at a time this is much too long. You can keep things short and sweet and he will want more

3. You always pick up the phone if he calls

Even if you are washing dishes and your hands are covered with water, you rush to the towel dry off your hands and talk to him immediately. If you are in the middle of something, if he wants to talk with you he will leave a message asking you to call him back. Don’t let him think he’s got you on a string, because he doesn’t.

4. You initiate contact with him

Let him be the one to call you first. It doesn’t have to be every time, but men like to be the pursuers. If he says he will get in touch with you, the ball is in his court, give him the chance to throw it back to you.

5. You weren’t relaxed

If you kept washing dishes or are sending emails at the same time. You are not being present in the conversation. Take a few minutes to talk with him without distraction.

6. The conversation is focused on him

If there is a moment of silence, do you always fill it up with a question about him? Give him some space to ask something about you or tell you a story.

7. He is talking with several women

You might not be the only women in his world. More than likely he has a couple on the phone this week.

8. He is interested in someone else

It’s easier for men to not call you to tell you that he found someone. They just quit calling, he doesn’t want to be the bad guy or drop the bomb.

9. No mystery

You are giving him all the details of your work schedule and your cat. This isn’t too romantic or mysterious.

10. Talking about old relationships

Hashing out the details of your yucky divorce or your ex-boyfriend crashing his car into your porch is something that can be left for a later day.

11. Complaining

Men want to be with someone positive who isn’t complaining about everything. Nuff said.

12. Being negative

If you see the glass as half empty, you can shift your attitude. If you start to say something negative, STOP yourself. It might be trick at first, but it will really help you in your love life.

These are several of the reasons why he suddenly stopped calling me and they are the same reasons he stopped calling you. So stay tuned for more free dating advice for women so you can have Epic Dating, Epic Love and Epic Relationships.

Epic Dating and Three Boyfriends Later. Free Dating Advice For Women

I’m starting a Free dating advice for women blog series. It will consist of 10 lots of posts with plenty of advice for ladies only. I love the men who subscribe to my list too, so it’s actually for everybody.

We are coming together to figure out ourselves while we are having fun dating and maybe just finding a partner. One of the best parts of dating is finding ourselves.

But for now, you are single. I know, I know… Sometimes it sucks spending Friday night home alone. But that is a choice. You can actually get out outside of your comfort zone and change things up a bit. We are going to start with the free dating advice for women with a question.

This is a million dollar question, and I know not all women will answer yes. I know a few ladies who are cool as a cumber (myself included) and some ladies who have played it way too cool (myself included). Here goes…

Are you single because you are too dramatic?

No. Maybe. Well, there was that one time I freaked out, or yelled at my now ex-boyfriend or husband. OK, it’s a big YES. I have lost my temper in the past… And, oh yeah, I did forget about the time I threw a plate when he was late for dinner.

I started writing this because of something a man said.

I was at the gym last night and ran into a friend of mine who happens to be online dating (I’ve seen his little thumbnail more than once). He was all worked up over the wheel of fortune show that was on the TV at my local gym. It was really funny watching his reactions. His friend and I hit the hot tub for some relaxing after our hard work out.

He’s handsome, successful and very single. He said, “You women are crazy, except for you of course.” I agreed with the last part, and with some of the first part of what he said too.

I had not read enough free dating advice for women after my divorce, and I still hadn’t figured out who I what it was that I wanted.

I dated a few guys who were shall we say “a little more than a teensy bit toxic.” After dating those guys and “falling” for them, I had my guard up because those low self esteem toxic men tried to break me down with the way they spoke with me.

I was empathetic with the first guy because I knew his dad was a jerk, and he had been brain washed by Howard Stern, but I quickly exited the once lustful relationship because he talked about other women in front of me and wanted me to have sex with other people so he could watch. I didn’t cross that line because it wasn’t something I didn’t want to invite into my life (like his other previous lovers had allowed). I was sweet and understanding to a point.

Weekend after weekend of him saying “It’s all about your pleasure baby,” and me walking away confused and crying, it didn’t take long for me to end that toxic relationship. In every relationship I take away a golden nugget of wisdom and after I met him, I learned about forgiveness, boundaries and compassion.

The second guy I wasn’t quite as sweet and understanding. By the time I met him, well… I was feeling a bit feisty and independent. He became contemptuous when he didn’t let him tell me what do, and I went into survival mode.

I became even more independent after that one because I was so hurt from the way we I felt around him, and the way I let him treat me. Do you see I said, “I allowed him to treat me poorly,” but not for long.

After that second toxic relationship I was becoming bitter and afraid of opening my heart again. I learned once again what noxious traits were in a man.

And the third guy I met was as sweet as pie in the beginning. Until he would say something that wasn’t perfect, and I would fly off the handle, because I had been burned. We have all been there,I was not in control of my emotions at all, because I was independent, dammit, and I didn’t need a man, but I sure wanted one. I couldn’t do anything but push him away when he did come around.

But in my eyes, the man who was romancing me (or at least trying to) couldn’t seem to get anything right. I would question everything he said and did and was certainly no in control of my emotions and emasculated him every step of the way.

It ruined the relationship before it even got started. This is why I am doing what I am doing here. Because I don’t want you to miss out on a great guy because you can’t control yourself. I wish for you to gain confidence in your boundaries, your voice and saying what you need to say, without being “bitchy.” Being bitchy gets you nowhere real fast with a good guy.

I walked away from this one with yet another broken heart, and so much more wisdom. I learned how to not put a previous relationship in a new one. I also learned to receive and not be so controlling. And the biggie was learning how to have compassion and forgive myself. I was doing the best I could with what I knew.

After that man, I knew I needed to learn more about myself and me and keep control of my emotions, but NEVER hide them.

The best thing we can do when we are single, is to learn about ourselves and how to communicate authentically with men.

So if you want to more learn the best free dating advice for women, stay tuned for more ways to make your dating life epic.

I was in the coffee shop getting ready to get busy (and no I don’t mean “get busy”), and write my blog. I was totally appreciating that I still had a few bucks on my coffee card. This yummy large mocha only cost me sixty cents plus tip. Not a bad way to start out my afternoon.

I was getting settled in my seat and the girls beside me were praying, it was so sweet. What good vibe company, I thought. I couldn’t help but overhearing part of their conversation. One girl said a friend told her, “If you need help with someone, ask someone who is already busy because they will get it done.” That makes sense. “Busy people know how to handle it.

What I overheard relates to your dating and love life. So get busy so you can get someday get busy with that someone special.

 1. Get busy taking epic time out for yourself.

When you make the time to take care of yourself you will release oxytocin, the feel good hormone. Taking time out for yourself doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. You can take a bubble bath, walk in nature or write some poetry. Do something to let your mind go and bring your hear to the surface. Get busy doing a little dancing. I’ve included the video Sean Paul “get busy.” This is a great song to dance to!

2. Get busy getting outside of your comfort zone.

After you are good and feeling good, do something unusual. You don’t need to go skydiving or bungee jumping. Take a different route on your way to work. You might see something or someone you normally wouldn’t run in to. Routine is nice sometimes, but when you break it, it opens you up to new experiences. Try a new cereal or say hi to a stranger. It only gets easier.

3. Get busy making your online profile epic.

You want to stand out from the crowd. Many online profiles are boring and don’t connect with a man’s emotions. But first you need great pictures. Men need that initial attraction and they want to be with someone who is flirty and happy. So smile or have a “what’s she thinking saucy smile. Write about your feelings and what you are looking for in a partner and don’t settle for the big stuff that is important to you.

If smoking is a deal breaker for you, then don’t date a smoker. Smoking was a deal breaker for me, but I thought…”He’s so cute and a great kisser, maybe I’ll just take him for a test drive.” But when he left the restaurant to smoke and would go in for a stinky kiss, it did not work out. But you can be flexible on what restaurant you are going to for dinner. The little stuff is Ok to flex on.

4. Get busy dating because you will learn how to handle it.

When you start dating, the more you do it, the easier you will be with yourself. If you don’t have any practice when Mr. Handsome shows up, you might not have the courage to say how you really feel or you might be so nervous you can’t even speak. The more you date, the more comfortable you will become with men.

Follow these simple tips to help your dating love and relationship life become epic! This is your life and you can create a life you want if you have some simple guidelines.

Well ladies and a few gentlemen… Da da da da! 2013 is here. Were all of your Desires met in 2012?

It is time to reflect, but only for a minute.

How is the state of your dating  and relationship life? Is it where you want it to be?

Were there things that you wish you had done in 2012? Were there things you thought you would accomplish, but just didn’t have the time to finish? Were there things you said that you wish you hadn’t said?

Were there limiting patterns and beliefs you thought for sure you would have changed by now?

Were there men that you passed by even if you “felt” something?

If not it’s time to get ready for the next year, and I don’t mean work on the best New Year resolutions that you’re going to forget about in a month.

This year is YOUR year to be your most amazing self.

So I would like you to start a little 2013 Desires Wish List right now. But there is a catch.

I want you to start writing it like it is Dec 31, 2013. I want to you to think of all the things, not only in your love life, that you want to happen and act as if all of them have already happened!

Because when it comes to your wishes and desires, especially when it comes to love, time and space doesn’t matter. In the grand scale of the universe, a year is like a blink of your beautiful mascaraed eyes. Divine timing has a lot to do in… everything!

So take a little time, or a lot of time to get clear on what you want 2013 to be like for you.

Here are some examples of things you can write in your Desires List

In 2013 I got in the best physical shape I have even been in my life. My body felt so good eating foods that are the best for me. I went to the gym at least 3 days and week, meditated every day and did yoga twice a week. I felt so centered and incredible.

I also went on plenty of dates with amazing men and learned exactly what I wanted in a partner. I walked away from every date and thought of the things I appreciated in the experience. Even the men who weren’t right for me had at least one good quality that I appreciated and took a mental note.

I learned how to surrender to divine timing in my love life and had fun in the journey! Throughout this experience of loving myself even more and taking care of myself, I met the partner of my dreams! I am in a loving relationship and my partner understands me and I can be my best self with him.

I am so thankful for every experience in my life this year. It has been amazing!

I am excited for 2013 to be the year for you to manifest your dream. Every little one!

Using The Law Of Attraction To Find Love

So, since The Secret movie and best selling book came out a few years ago, it showered the world with more knowledge about the Law Of Attraction. I’ve known about his stuff since I was a little girl thanks to my grandmother and her plentiful stash of books on metaphysical, ESP among some other interesting topics. Norman Vincent Peale in the Power of Positive Thinking was one of the earliest “teachers” in the Law Of Attraction and now there are many.

The movie and the book featured amazing  teachers, like Jack Canfield, Michael Beckwith and my co-authors Esther and Jerry Hicks, and Neale Donald Walsch )who was so sweet when I asked him to sign “our” book) live by these principals. My other co-author Sandy Forster was filmed to be in the Secret too. When I read the book and saw the movie, I was so in to it.

The Secret has been criticized and loved by many.

Could your dating and love life use a little pick me up, or a lot of it? If you are single, I’m guessing you could have another good date or two lined up and ready to take you out on Saturday night. It’s always good for a girl to have options, and having too many is better than having none.

Using the law of attraction is very powerful and will work magic in your dating and love life.

There are some things you need to know about the Law of Attraction. It is a universal law, even if you did not realize it. You are using it even if only subconsciously. Whatever you focus your attention on is what will be attracted into your life, even if you perceive it as negative. If you don’t want something in your life and you have strong feelings about it and give it at lot of thought, it will come into your life by default.

Like attracts like and the same holds true for dislike attracts dislike. So if you are thinking about something, especially thinking about something obsessively that you do not want, I can almost guarantee that it will come into your experience even if you don’t want it to.

When using the law of attraction you need to get clear on what you do want to bring into your life. Get really clear and write a list. There are some dos and don’ts in creating your Law of Attraction List.

Do use positive words                                Don’t use negative words

I am making time for dating my life              I’m trying to make time for dating

I am open to receive love                              I wish I could find someone to love me

I meet amazing men wherever I go              I should find an amazing partner

You can use the law of attraction first to find a date then to find love. But you got to be clear and positive in what it is you are looking for. Stay tuned for more articles on love, life and the Law of Attraction.

The Best Way To Feel Happy If You Are Single Alone and Depressed.

When you are single, sometimes you can feel a little, well… alone.  And even depressed, especially if your just broke up with who you thought was your true love, your boss was cranky, or it’s Monday, the sun just seems too bright or if it’s raining.

Sometimes it seems like the rain clouds are crying just for you because you feel so single, alone and depressed.

But under each and every cloud there is a silver lining. When you are single, you are alone, but you don’t have to be lonely.

It’s time to rediscover you.

You can take this alone time for you. You can be single and figure out what makes you tick. Maybe you lost yourself in your last relationship and it makes you feel depressed. Maybe you quit hanging out with your best friend, because your boyfriend thought she talked too much. Or maybe you even lost your name.

If you ask some women their name, they don’t even know what it is. “What do you mean?” they might ask. “Do you want my maiden name or my married name? “ I’m actually going through a divorce right now, and I’m not even sure what it is. I’m not even sure who I am. If I keep my ex-husband’s name, it might be easier for my kids.”

Did you ever think you would be confused about something so simple; something so simple as a few placed vowels and consonants? Your name is part of who you are.

After my boyfriend asked me to marry him I didn’t want to change my name. But my mother told me I had to, or it would hurt his feelings. He wanted me to change my name, and my heart was resisting, but I did it to please everyone else. That was my MO. People pleasing.

I was born and my parents named me Deana Lee Stump. I haven’t seen that name printed out since I received my new Social Security Card in 1998. My new card that arrived after my marriage said Deana Stump Kleine. I lost my name and I started losing myself.

I didn’t want to part with my last name, it was part of me, and I loved it. But things have changed. I changed. I bet you have gone through some changes too. Name changes and even bigger changes.

When I got married, I rocked out in a band with my husband. He was the guitar player and I played a gorgeous pink Rickenbacker bass. That was when I got a new name. My rock and roll name. My pen name. My true essence. My real name.

My musician friend was at our show one night, and I remember I was wearing a rainbow metallic sharkskin vinyl (yes I actually wore plastic) looking tank dress.

My friend’s name was Bobby Lane and he came up to me and said, “Your new name is Dina Colada!” I fell in love with it. It was perfect for me. I’ve been using that name shortly after my month-long honeymoon across the country. I have never looked back.

It has become part of me. Now Dina Colada is me. I have become her, and let her out of the bag that was closed up for so long.

But I am Dina Colada. I am Dina Z Colada. People have known me for years and thought that was the name on my birth certificate to my mother’s dismay.

If you’re not happy being single it’s the perfect time to figure out who you are.

What will be your mark on the planet? What makes you feel good? What are your passions?

When you answer these questions it is time to participate in your life. If hiking makes you feel good, find an outdoorsy meetup group. If you love music, buy a really nice purple kazoo and joining in at a cozy café open mic. You will make beautiful music and maybe some new friends.

You’re not just a mother, a friend or a busy worker bee. It’s your time to shine and you are blessed to have this time to figure yourself out. Figure out what makes your heart sing, and figure our your name and who you really are.

Are Your Emotional Triggers Ruining Your Relationships?

Do you feel sometimes when the man you care about, says something you don’t like, or you take things personally? There are a few things that could happen: you want to run away from your feelings or you feel like you want to fight with him, and just make sure that he knows you are right? You might be thinking, “How dare he say something so insensitive to me?” Then you react, like a wildcat.

You get emotional. You get dramatic. Hopefully you don’t hit him over the head with a skillet. But what is happening isn’t really you. It’s you being triggered.

You might not mean to react with something nasty, but it just happens. You have an emotional trigger. You took all this time to make him his favorite lasagna dinner with candles and a nice bottle of red wine, and when he gets home he tells you that he had a late lunch and just isn’t hungry.

Yikes. You feel devastated.

You feel hurt and you wasted your entire afternoon shopping and preparing this amazing dinner for him. To top is all off, you got your hair done and he didn’t even notice. His insensitivity set off an emotional trigger for you.

And you are going to make him pay.

You make him feel bad for not being hungry and not noticing your hair. But he is not the only one who is going to pay.

Psychologists call these reactions the fight or flight response. It’s not your fault you reacted this way, but when it happens it can hurt your relationship with a man and yourself, because these reactions are not your Goddess self. These are anti-goddess responses. And boy are they icky.

He gets defensive or says something like “it must be that time of the month” or “Typical. Just like a woman.”

You might feel so angry a man would say something like that and maybe you don’t even respond. You just shut down like nothing is wrong. But you know it is. And he can feel your anti-goddess vibes.

Maybe you asked him to talk about it. Then he looked at you like you were crazy and says, “I’m going to watch TV.”

Is talking to your partner really too much to ask? Maybe on the spot it is for him, if you are emotional. Especially if you are both triggered.

When you have an emotional trigger you are not your true self. These emotions are linked to your sensory system and are on automatic from past experiences that made you feel the same way.

Here Are Some Physical Symptoms of Emotional Triggers

Increased Heart rate

Feeling Hot

Sweaty Palms

Uneasy Stomach

Muscles Stiffness in Neck or Back

Numbness

Shaking

Dizziness

Choked up feeling in Your Throat

There are other bodily responses you can have, and if you are aware, you can notice these physical symptoms and learn to calm yourself down before you react  with a man from your fight, flight or freeze response.  You want to center yourself and come back when you are not having emotional triggers and respond in a mature feminine way.

If you feel overly emotional you can say something like, “I’m feeling stressed right now, and I would like to discuss this after I cool down. Take 5, 10 or however long you both need to cool down. Then you can come back to it. Maybe the next day.

The reactions you are having could go back to childhood or even from events that happened to you and your mother when you were in the womb. The triggers you have can also be from a past relationship with another man. You want to protect yourself from feeling hurt. You are in survival mode when you have an emotional trigger.

You can learn to center yourself. And the first step is to Breathe into your Heart. You can get to the heart of the matter of any situation just by taking a minute to focus on the love in your heart. Your brain and your heart are intimately connected and work together, but you have the choice to put your heart in charge.

Stay tuned for more Goddess & Heart Based Living!

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