How Do I Get Over A Guy? Q&A
Q I’m pretty sure it’s done between us. I text him and he never replies and when he does he just says “sorry babe been really busy” but it seems like he has enough time to see all his friends and go out at the weekends but not enough time to send a simple text. It’s a so annoying because I’ve really started to like this guy. At the beginning he would text me quite a lot, not everyday, but about 3 or 4 days out of the week. He also happens to be my type too and he’s the first guy who I’ve looked at and thought I can really see myself with him, that things might work out and he’d be my first boyfriend. He started this whole “been busy” thing last week, but I think it’s just his way of saying he’s got his eye on someone else because I’ve heard that you’re never too busy for the person you like. He hasn’t actually said he doesn’t want to see me yet, but I figure that’s where this is going. So what can I do to stop myself from thinking about this too much, it’s really upsetting me. I really thought I did everything right this time and I feel so ugly and useless and like I’m a really horrible person because every guy I’ve got involved with has rejected me, usually for another girl. I want to stay friends with him, because he’s so nice. Not like best friends, but just friends who maybe text each other sometimes and see each other on nights out, so how would I let him know that. I don’t know whether I should text him to finish things with him now so I hurt less or to wait for him to say (although in my experience guys never say when they don’t want to see you, they just stop talking to you.) Hmmm this hurts so bad, I really thought things were going well
A If a guy wants to see you he will take initiative. You need to back off and don’t give him any more of your energy, because it will get you nowhere. I want you to focus on yourself and what makes you happy. You’ve got to find other things that make you feel good. Take a bubble bath, hang out with your friends, and flirt with other guys. This is a really good step to help you feel better about yourself. I know what it feels like to be in this position, because I’ve been there plenty of times. It is such a bummer when you are trying so hard to make things work out, but the best thing you can do is to not work on anything with him. You can only change what is going on inside of yourself. DO NOT call him. DO NOT email him. And DO NOT text him. Focus on yourself and meeting and flirting with other guys. He is NOT your boyfriend and there is no exclusivity between you two. When guys aren’t interested, they usually do just kind of drop off because they don’t want to be the bad guy and hurt your feelings. It’s nothing you’ve done, but he probably isn’t ready for a relationship. If he calls you you can tell him your happy to hear from him, and if he doesn’t contact you he’s not interested. Giving yourself to him sexually does not mean he will become your boyfriend. He would have no problem being friends with a woman who goes down on him because it feels good. But just because you are intimate with him it doesn’t mean you are exclusive, even if you wish you were. I know this hurts so much because you care for him. If he starts calling texting you and asking to see you, then you can consider what you are comfortable with. Follow your intuition. If it makes you feel bad inside, it’s a good indicator that it’s not good for you or your heart.
The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself and keep your options open.