If you’ve been dating, I’m sure you can relate to some of these unbelievable dating fails. Some of these scenarios really happened, some of them, well… Which ones do you think are real? Some of the stuff that comes out of people’s mouths, especially from online dating, can be funny, weird, and totally out there.
If you have ever been on the giving or receiving end of any of these lines, you might want to consider wearing a filter, stop talking altogether or have some more guidelines if someone wants to take you out for coffee.
You get ready for you date anxiously awaiting to meet your online match. You sashay in the door to meet for coffee. You both smile and sip on your lattes. The conversation is flowing, you’re both laughing and things are going just swell, and then, all of the sudden your date says something like this …
- So … Um, just curious, when was the last time you had sex? I had sex yesterday, but it didn’t really count because it was with my ex and it really didn’t mean anything.
- What size shoes do you wear again? Oh, a 7? My last boyfriend wore size 14! His feet were huge!
- How soon do you want to get hitched? My goal is within the next two months.
- Hey, want to meet my mom tomorrow? I told her all about you. She’s really excited to meet you in real life. She’s already seen all your pictures on Facebook, and is following you on Twitter. Didn’t you see where we retweeted that picture of Taco your Chiweenie? He is super cute and all of our friends are going goo-goo!
- You’re picking up the check right? I’m getting tanked tonight. Don’t put up with this kind of behavior ever.
- Are you making breakfast or am I?
- My ex wife seriously hates you, and she is just got out of prison, but I can’t really talk about it.
- Yeah, I’m really just looking for a baby receptacle. You are fertile, right?
- Sweet! Your birthday is coming up next week? I’m totally going to get you a treadmill.
- I was thinking about giving all my belongings away and just moving in with you. You have a non-stick skillet, don’t you? I want to make you breakfast every day for the rest of your life.
- This itch isn’t going away would you check it out for me?
- I have a foot fetish and I could make you famous. Your arches are good enough for the Internet. Seriously, I soooo want to lick your feet right now.
- My wife decided to leave me yesterday, so I thought it was a good idea to get online last night and find someone to complete me again.
- I’m going to build a crystal ship so we can totally leave this planet. I’ve started building it in my garage. Want to see some pictures?
- I’ll have double potatoes with my steak. I don’t eat anything green, because my brother shoved grass in my mouth as a kid and I’ve never gotten over it. People tell me I need therapy, and I tell them to kiss my grass.
- Hey, it’s nice to meet you! I brought my friend along in case we didn’t get along.
- I know this really great strip club that just opened up. Do you want to go check it out? I have a VIP membership, and all the dancers just love me. And to top it all off, they have a huge hot tub.
- I’ve been looking to meet someone exactly like my ex, but your haircut is all wrong.
- I’m so excited that my cat is pregnant again. It’s her 13th litter; I just can’t bear to give any of them away. They are like soul mates to me. Every single one of them.
Dating can be fun, and I promise it will never be boring, (most of the time anyway). If you are tired of attracting the wrong people online, you might need an expert online dating profile makeover. Don’t waste your time going out with these kinds of people.