When you are single, sometimes you can feel a little, well… alone. And even depressed, especially if your just broke up with who you thought was your true love, your boss was cranky, or it’s Monday, the sun just seems too bright or if it’s raining.
Sometimes it seems like the rain clouds are crying just for you because you feel so single, alone and depressed.
But under each and every cloud there is a silver lining. When you are single, you are alone, but you don’t have to be lonely.
It’s time to rediscover you.
You can take this alone time for you. You can be single and figure out what makes you tick. Maybe you lost yourself in your last relationship and it makes you feel depressed. Maybe you quit hanging out with your best friend, because your boyfriend thought she talked too much. Or maybe you even lost your name.
If you ask some women their name, they don’t even know what it is. “What do you mean?” they might ask. “Do you want my maiden name or my married name? “ I’m actually going through a divorce right now, and I’m not even sure what it is. I’m not even sure who I am. If I keep my ex-husband’s name, it might be easier for my kids.”
Did you ever think you would be confused about something so simple; something so simple as a few placed vowels and consonants? Your name is part of who you are.
After my boyfriend asked me to marry him I didn’t want to change my name. But my mother told me I had to, or it would hurt his feelings. He wanted me to change my name, and my heart was resisting, but I did it to please everyone else. That was my MO. People pleasing.
I was born and my parents named me Deana Lee Stump. I haven’t seen that name printed out since I received my new Social Security Card in 1998. My new card that arrived after my marriage said Deana Stump Kleine. I lost my name and I started losing myself.
I didn’t want to part with my last name, it was part of me, and I loved it. But things have changed. I changed. I bet you have gone through some changes too. Name changes and even bigger changes.
When I got married, I rocked out in a band with my husband. He was the guitar player and I played a gorgeous pink Rickenbacker bass. That was when I got a new name. My rock and roll name. My pen name. My true essence. My real name.
My musician friend was at our show one night, and I remember I was wearing a rainbow metallic sharkskin vinyl (yes I actually wore plastic) looking tank dress.
My friend’s name was Bobby Lane and he came up to me and said, “Your new name is Dina Colada!” I fell in love with it. It was perfect for me. I’ve been using that name shortly after my month-long honeymoon across the country. I have never looked back.
It has become part of me. Now Dina Colada is me. I have become her, and let her out of the bag that was closed up for so long.
But I am Dina Colada. I am Dina Z Colada. People have known me for years and thought that was the name on my birth certificate to my mother’s dismay.
If you’re not happy being single it’s the perfect time to figure out who you are.
What will be your mark on the planet? What makes you feel good? What are your passions?
When you answer these questions it is time to participate in your life. If hiking makes you feel good, find an outdoorsy meetup group. If you love music, buy a really nice purple kazoo and joining in at a cozy café open mic. You will make beautiful music and maybe some new friends.
You’re not just a mother, a friend or a busy worker bee. It’s your time to shine and you are blessed to have this time to figure yourself out. Figure out what makes your heart sing, and figure our your name and who you really are.