Have you ever had something going really well with a man and then… nothing? You could be married or in a long relationship but he went from burning with desire for you, calling you, texting you, and dating you to crickets chirping? He became completely withdrawn and even totally disappeared like a ghost going through the windows in your mind?
There are several reasons why men push women away and we’re going to go over just a couple here. To build a relationship you want to play on the same team. That’s what relationships are all about. You don’t want to take jabs at each other, and poke out each other’s eyes. You want to join hands and go skipping down the lane, together, right? So there are 2 big reasons men push women away.
1. You have become his opponent.
Guys want to feel like you’ve got their back. If they make a play, like suggesting a restaurant for the night… and you always shoot down his ideas. When this happens you can just imagine yourself tackling him, and his self-esteem, down to the ground. Guys want to feel like they are doing something right!
He will get up (eventually), feeling beat-up by you with metaphorical mud on his face. And when he brushes himself off, he will not be racing to call you and ask you out to dinner again anytime soon, he can easily go find someone who likes him and his ideas. Becoming a man’s opponent is the fastest way to get him to stop wanting to kiss you and disappear faster than you can say abracadabra.
I’m not saying if you are a vegetarian and your new boyfriend suggests going to Bob’s Beef House for dinner every night, that you shouldn’t say something… He should get that the fact that to you, meat is gross or you just love animals, or you like healthy-clean-living. That would be extremely bad behavior on his part, and if your boyfriend tried to get you to become a meat-a-tarian, and you were totally against it. I would suggest getting out of that relationship yesterday, because it sounds like it’s not going to get any better. If you are wanting to attract more love, read this.
But on the other hand, if you question everything he says, chooses and does, then you are going to have some real problems. You will become disconnected. You still want to stand up for what you believe in, but the little moments are what really build good relationships. Being seen and understood. If he really loves Japanese, and sushi is not your favorite, can’t you just eat a miso noodle-bowl for a change? You might actually end up liking it because it is around a good memory with both of you.
Learning to go with the flow and letting go of the reigns once in a while will do both of you wonders. Do you really want to always wear the pants and be the boss of everything? Lighten up and appreciate that he has preferences too.
2. You have turned his friends against him.
Even worse than not being on his team is not being on his team… in front of his friends. That is a total deal breaker for men. Men want to look like men, not like fools, especially in front of their friends.
I was talking with a woman who said something about the love of her life (in front of him and his friends), and it did not go over well. It didn’t seem like a big deal to her. She thought she was being playful, and funny. And it was funny to her and his friends. But it was not funny to him. They had one of the biggest blowouts in their very loving-solid relationship.
What she said was in jest, but it felt really horrible to him, and he let her know it in a really angry way. What was said wouldn’t have been a big deal to someone who was just a friend, but when you are with a man and he really cares for you, he wants you to be on his team, and not make him the butt of the joke.
This might seem trivial to you, but men have deep feelings too, and her teasing him in front of his friends, leads to feelings of disrespect which is really important to almost every man. Still looking for Mr. Right?
If you have something to say to a man, the best thing is to say it in private, not in front of a group of people. Things are between you and him, not you, him and his friends. Your relationships are sacred, so treat it that way.
There’s not much more that will make a man feel emasculated then being made fun of in front of his buddies especially if you all gang up on him. Just don’t do it. Instead play with him and laugh with him, not at him. If you haven’t yet, please sign up for the EPIC Love Newsletter and get Dina’s free eBook, “How to Stop Pushing Men Away and Get the EPIC Love You Want, and a downloadable heart-opening meditation! Learn how to attract men and play on the same team.