Romance and love can lead to elated feelings of joy and bliss and when it ends — it can leave you devastated. After a bad break-up there are things you can do to heal your heart so that you can love again.

The magic of love can permeate every cell of your body, your heart, your soul, and your brain. 

Thoughts of your lover can consume every waking moment and even take over your dreams. Sometimes the dreams are delicious— and others are devastating. 

When there is an intense animal attraction that leads you to someone— It is an uncontrollable force that you cannot stop, nor would you want to. The power of love is the most compelling influence in the universe and can lead us to utter bliss. 

When love ends— it makes you feel like you have nothing to live for.

But you do have something to live for— You have YOU to live for and YOU have LOVE to live for.

There are all kinds of ways that your heart can feel broken and you can heal from them.

Unrequited Love.

love blocks

This is when only one person feels these intense romantic feelings.  One sided love is one of the most self-esteem crushing ways to heartbreak because the love you feel never had a chance. 

Rejection hurts and you probably feel it physically. Even though your heart isn’t going to physically break, it sure feels like it is. Research led by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan has shown emotional pain can activate the same part of our brain as physical pain. 

The heartbreak pain you feel is real. 

When you lose the “Love of your life.” 

This is the person who you thought you would be with forever. You probably even had those soul mate feelings, you may have even talked about being together forever with your partner. When you have a love that feels real and true and if you lose them, you feel like you will never get over it. 

Some days will be harder than others— and plenty of them will be hard. 

There are other kinds of heartbreak but I want to get to the point where you can learn some actionable skill right now to help you get through heartache it the easiest way possible. 

Here are 5 ways to help you heal your heart

1. Realize you are not alone.

Can you think of one person in your life that has never had their heartbroken? Ok, maybe you have a couple of friends who are High School sweethearts that are still goo-goo over each other and seeing them together is enough to tear you apart. The agonizing pain you feel in your chest is worse than the bike crash you had when you were 10, but the pain is a teacher, and you will get through this just like the skinned knees healed but left a little scar.

The majority of the bike accident pain was over in a couple of weeks, but this torment is much different. It’s a different kind of pain that everyone can relate to and it’s not just you. Heartache hurts and nothing is wrong with you. 

Just because you feel the pain of losing someone doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable. You are. 

You may always have a soft spot in your heart for the man you loved and don’t beat yourself up about it. Love is infinite and there is plenty in the universe. It is good to love, and you are not in this alone.

I hope you understand that the two of you just weren’t in the right place and time to be together. There is great love waiting for you. You have to get yourself ready for it. 

2. Don’t run from the pain.

I know that you might want to hide under the covers after this and stuff down any of the pain and pretend it isn’t there. Sure, the junk drawer in the kitchen might need to be cleaned out, but it can wait. You are trying to distract yourself with rubber bands and scissors instead of letting your feelings process. It will hurt until you let it go, and if you stuff these feelings down they will fester and get worse.

You must grieve and get through the pain to move on. It will be excruciating to go through it, but it needs to happen so these feelings don’t get stuck in your body and your mind. 

Cry, sleep, vent with your friends, and get a coach or a counselor so you can let it all out. You may have been taught that big girls don’t cry, and this is the wrong way to be. Crying is good for you. It helps you move through the grief instead of staying stuck in depression. It can cleanse your sou—l and you can be happy again.

3. Allow space for yourself

Welcome this time to get to know yourself. You don’t need to rush into finding another boyfriend right away. You will be OK by yourself.

This can be your #magicmantra— 

#IamOK. #IamOK #IamOK

It’s that simple. You have to start somewhere, and doing one thing is better than nothing. You probably aren’t feeling like skipping quite yet, but you will get there. 

You are OK. Where you are is OK. And being single is OK. You don’t have to have a partner to be OK. 

4. Accept the past and your memories.

Don’t wage a war against your past— and the memories of love that will come and go. You will more than likely yearn for the love that you lost, (or never had), and it is totally natural. 

Our brains are good at connecting the dots and it’s part of the process. If you try to push any thoughts away it will make it worse— and they will come to the surface eventually— with other feelings tangled with them. 

What you think about you bring about— even if isn’t what you want. So when the memories and fantasies of getting back together come into your mind just notice them and say to yourself, 

“There I go again! This is what everyone else does too. There is nothing wrong with me”.

This is part of getting to the feeling good part!

5. Get out your notebook

After a bad breakup, it’s easy to beat yourself up, recall every conversation that could have gone differently, and analyze every text message that you wish you wouldn’t have sent. 

So get out your pen and start writing about it.

And DO NOT read it for at least 2 years. Writing about the past it isn’t so you can hold onto it. Writing is a form of letting go. It is free self-therapy.

Don’t worry about grammar, making complete sentences, or making sure your penmanship is legible. Writing about the gunk will help you release it. 

Broken hearts inspire artists to create the most incredible songs, poems, movies, and stories. Getting deep and tapping into feelings, (you may not have felt otherwise), is something a broken heart can provide the world. Feelings and connectedness through passion will get you to a more human place where you can learn that your feelings are you guide.

Write about your love story. Write about your heartbreak. You will discover that you are deeper than you ever realized and this heartache will give you more meaning in your life. 

I write because I can’t help it. I write because I love. I write because I hurt too. 

My past heartbreaks are the reason that I do what I do and my writing has helped me process the pain and discover the joys in life— and writing can help you find yours. Allow yourself to feel the pain when your write, so you can begin healing your heart. It will be worth it. 

If you want to discover even more secrets to help you get over trauma from your past relationships, keep reading!