Relationships are hard. They always have been and always will be. That’s why it’s so hard finding someone who is worth staying with, and why so many relationships fall apart after years. More often than not, people end up in relationships that don’t serve them, or worse, actively hurt them. 

One of the most common reasons why people tend to end up in bad relationships is due to a learned behavior known as approval-seeking behavior. When we grow up, we naturally look to seek approval from our parents and loved ones. At times, this can be beneficial. Unfortunately, it can easily become a self-destructive behavior. 

That’s where radical authenticity comes into play.

What Is Radical Authenticity?

Radical authenticity is the practice of being true to yourself, and to other people. It’s a mindset that says that, yes, you deserve love—but you are done playing the “Pick Me” dance for peoples’ affections. It means that you are working on being the realest version of you, and that you’re working on a level of honesty that many people might find daunting.

How Do You Become Radically Authentic?

There’s no single way to become a more authentic person. Rather, it’s a change in mindset that’s best described in different actions. These include:

  • Reminding yourself that you’re worthy of love and respect—and not hanging out with people who disrespect you. 
  • Listening to your gut. Does someone make you feel uncomfortable or sad whenever you’re with them? Breaking up that relationship is what you need to do, because something about them could pose a potential problem with the person you truly want to be.
  • Keeping the promises that you make.
  • Working towards the things you really want, and celebrating each step.
  • Asking yourself what you *really* want out of life, and not sacrificing your goals for others.
  • Realizing that no one will know what you want or need better than you.
  • Dropping the pretense of having to be happy, perfect, or “put together” all the time.
  • Being honest about how you feel about people, and telling them so. 
  • Not following trends just because it’s expected of you.

Why Does Radical Authenticity Work?

Radical authenticity works for a number of reasons. First off, being authentic is incredibly attractive no matter who you are. It’s a practice and lifestyle that focuses on building confidence. After all, the more “you” you become, the more comfortable you feel in your skin, which translates into more confidence.

How To Have The Best Relationship With Your Boyfriend Authentically

Being radically authentic also means that you have to be honest with yourself—to the point where you realize when a relationship will only hurt you. This means being willing to drop people who aren’t interested, don’t treat you well, and who try to change you. In other words, it means you won’t have to worry about investing time in a crappy relationship.

Of course, the biggest thing that you get from being radically authentic is the strength to confront problems when they come around. Too often, we tend to forget that being upset is not unreasonable or feel pressure to be perfect when reality is anything but. This doesn’t help relationships. It actually hurts them by making us resentful and too timid to confront the problem. 

If you’ve ever felt like you couldn’t be yourself around your partner, you already should know how important being radically authentic is.

Why Radical Authenticity Gets You The Right Partner

Do you remember listening to that old song that started with an excited singer saying, “She likes me for me, not because…”? It’s a vibe that most of us aspire to in a relationship, and rightfully so. The healthiest happiest relationships are the ones where you don’t have to pretend to be someone you aren’t. 

By presenting yourself authentically, you make it easier for the right person to be attracted to you. After all, there’s no pretense that you have to hold up. What your partner fell for is who you really are. 

Why Is It So Hard To Be Radically Authentic?

If you’ve just started out on being radically authentic, then you probably noticed how intimidating it is. Radical authenticity requires you to speak up about how you feel, or at the very least, act on your own self-interest especially in a romantic relationship. 

The problem is that we live in a society that places an immense amount of pressure on people to conform to social expectations. This is especially true when it comes to women, who are most commonly socialized to “be nice” when they really shouldn’t be. 

How do you become real and authentic?

When you first start behaving authentically and putting up boundaries, you should expect a bit of a blowback. However scary it may be, it’s important to remember that it gets easier and that the payoff is absolutely priceless. Still having a hard time? These tips can help:

  • Write down what you really want on paper, even if you’re afraid to admit it.
  • Remember that it’s okay not to say anything sometimes.
  • Be realistic about people and their role in your life. This is doubly true if they pitch a fit to the word “no.” If they’re behaving that way, do you really want to have them around you?
  • Start saying no at least once a day.  
  • If you know certain people tend to pressure, guilt, or get aggressive with you over your choices, distance yourself immediately. 
  • Do one thing, just for you, every day—even if it just means wearing that one scarf you love. 

The Final Take

Radical authenticity is something exceedingly rare in our society, and that’s a shame. For many of us, the largest stumbling block that we experience is the one where we have to mitigate being ourselves with being accepted. 

Truth be told, being radically authentic makes you confident enough to overcome the need to kowtow to that pressure. That alone can make your life easier, not to mention finding the right partner a breeze. So go ahead, give it a try. You might start to fall in love with yourself a little more, too and reach your relationship goals!