Love is so sweet, especially in the beginning and can make you wonder how not to lose yourself in a relationship. One of my readers asked me about this on Facebook.

Shelly started seeing a new guy and she wanted to know how to keep her head on straight, because she really liked him and wants to keep the relationship going. I bet he’s a great kisser!

I get it, when you are falling in love (or lust), you want to spend every breathing second with your sexy beloved. You have to literally tear your lips apart when you have to get ready for work.

The alarm blares its annoying beep beep beep as he is ravaging your lips, and you are so in the moment the alarm that usually drives you crazy just adds to the excitement. Your body is screaming with anticipation of his mouth going everywhere and not just your lips.

The sensation of his hands on your hips— so close— yet, soooo far away from where you want them to be absolutely drives you wild.

And then— he follows you around kissing your neck and your back as you dig around in the pile of clothes for your favorite sparkly dangly earrings that, (now of course), remind you of him because they were the earrings you were wearing when your eyes gazed across coffee for the first time at the table at Book and Bean.

His eyes follow your every move. He is the lion and you are the gazelle. And he stops himself— watching you. Savoring not having you right this second.

Love sweet love. It will make you feel like a Goddess and can make you lose yourself and feel like a mad woman who can’t get enough sex… What’s a girl to do?

Well— There is something that you MUST DO (that I didn’t do before I knew any better), that helped to ruin what could have been a more lasting relationship.

Your man is not a monkey, but I want you to treat him like one.

Not the monkey who plays tiny symbols on command at the circus. When you master the art of this one thing you will be able to play him like a skilled orchestra musician.

What is this secret?

Let him chase you. It is a gift— and it will make him want you more.

So— I’m suggesting you treat him exactly like a monkey… Say what?

Men love to hunt and letting them chase you even when they already “have” you is enticing.

He still wants a challenge. And you want him to get in touch with his primal monkey side.

The science behind treating your man like a monkey—


There was a team of neuroscientists studying the brains of monkeys in a lab. The monkey’s brain waves were activated when the monkeys saw a tasty treat. It became even more active when the monkey held the grape. You can read about a monkey study here at Psychology Today

However, when the monkey ate the grape— the activity in the reward center of its brain didn’t increase. It decreased.

The studied monkey’s pleasure was at the height of ecstasy when it “got” the yummy snack, not when it actually ate it.

The theory that came from this study is that there is more pleasure in anticipation, than the fulfillment.

The same is true for a man to get to chase you. Give him the gift of anticipation. Tease him with flirty text messages. Don’t always give into him. Tease his mind first and then his body.

Make him wait to see you. Keep yourself busy with your hobbies, and keep living your own life.

Don’t stop working out at 5 on weekdays, (this has been your norm fro 3 years) because he gets off work at 5. Keep going to the gym and go shopping with your girlfriends.

Take time to take care of you, not just him.

When you give all of your time ONLY to him it doesn’t give him the pleasure of anticipation.

Let him miss you. Let him call you first. Let him text you first. Let him pursue you. Let him feel the full pleasure of waiting in the trenches.

He will thank you for it. He will beg just to be with you.

Teasing him will keep him on his toes, and he will never know what to expect with you. This is the key for you to keep your relationship strong and will help you learn how not to lose yourself in a relationship.

This one trick that will make your relationship exciting and fascinating will get him in touch with his primal monkey side. This is what you want. This IS what he wants too. So give it to him, but make him wait.