You’ve been married for 12 years in a mediocre marriage. It seemed like 25 years. You’ve been sleeping alone for an entire year by yourself— Except for those nights that one of the kids had a nightmare about the creepy OO Ghost from the poster in first grade again. And you want to learn how to be a confident woman after divorce.  The kids are pretty cuddly, but it’s just not the same as being with a man.

You need to stop up your confidence game if you want to snag a keeper.

You’re ready to have a first date after divorce. What are you going to do to prepare yourself mentally? Your mom is trying to set you up with that guy from church who is shorter than you, but he’s really nice and would treat you like a queen. No thanks mom.

Your best friend is telling you to get on She’s been on there for 3+ years and is still single. “I haven’t been ready to get married” she tells you. You’re not quite sure about her, but she has at least one date every weekend, if not 2 or 3.

The last guys you went on a “date” with, besides your ex-husband, was from your Junior year in college. He bought you one beer and thought he deserved to have sex with you when the clock struck 12. This first date after divorce is giving you a bad taste in your mouth.

You pick up the phone to talk to your dating maven friend. She is telling you about all these interesting guys that she’s meeting. Bob, the really handsome contractor is the best kisser she’s ever met and has a log cabin in the mountains. Jerry is an sculptor and brought her hand-picked wild flowers on their first date. A picnic in the woods with smoked salmon, fresh baked bread, cherries and fancy cheese.

Things are starting to sound much better. The first date after divorce may be nerve wracking, but it’s something you’ve just gotta do if you ever want to meet a man, or even meet lots of them. You finally let one of your co-workers set you up on a blind date with her cousin that makes the best homemade lasagne.

The first date after divorce jitters are taking you over. What will you wear? You’ve been standing in the mirror for 2 hours trying on 17 different dresses, and the floor in your room is covered in a mountain of heels. Whew. What is the best thing you can do to get over this nervous feeling of this first date out since 1997.

Breathe. I know it sounds simple, but focusing on your breath is the first step, to get over the first date after divorce nervousness. When you driving on the way to meet your dinner date and you feel anxious, take 3 deep breaths in. It will help you get centered and bring you back into your body.

When you focus on your breath, you can notice the cool air going into your nose. When you breathe out you can notice your breath is warmer. Just pay attention to this. It will bring you back to the present and help you get over those nervous first date after divorce shivers. It sounds so simple, and it is.

When you are looking at your first date and you really think he’s cute, don’t forget about yourself, and don’t forget to breathe. You are a beautiful, sassy, sexy single now. When you are focusing on your breathing, you will be living in the moment, and not in the past or the future. Your life is now, not 2 years down the road.

Appreciate yourself. Appreciate your dinner. Appreciate where you are, right now.