Dating After Divorce? I Say Dating Therapy Is Good For You!

You’re finally on your own after a knock em’ down drag em out divorce. You wonder when is a good time to start dating after divorce. Well, there’s no perfect answer because everyone is different. Dating therapy is real, and you need it.

 

Another thing about my favorite therapy for sure, is that you’ll learn a lot in the process

 

As soon as I was separated from my husband I was dating immediately. It may not have been the healthiest thing to do in the world, but I did it anyway. I’m glad I’ve met so many amazing men in the past 10 years. They have all been critical to my inner growth.

 

When I was dating after my split up, I started dating a man that worked with my best friend’s husband. He was in a dead-end job, but damn, was he a great kisser. The chemistry (and maybe some wine) kind of got in the way of keeping my head on straight.

 

Then I went to the other kind of therapy divorced people go to . . .

 

He was one of the kindest men I had ever met. And thankfully I was going to therapy at the time. As a side note, I was trying to prove to everyone that I wasn’t “crazy” for getting a divorce. Thus— weekly visits with Lynn. That woman changed the way I saw the world.

 

Anyway, I told Lynn about my new boyfriend, and she asked me if I had a list. I had no idea what she was talking about. She said something like, “You know, a list of all the traits you would like in a partner.” That was something new in my world at the time (if you can believe it). I preach about having more than one list nowadays.

 

After being homeless for a few months, I had my own apartment and a new boyfriend, and a new list. Wow. It was genuinely eye-opening. I wrote down about 40 things on that list. I still have the file in a notebook, and I’m going to share it with you right now. And instead of dating one person— more is sometimes better!

dating after divorce

Here’s my dating after divorce list of my (then) perfect partner

 

  1. Always kind to servers
  2. Responsible
  3. Motivated
  4. Good hygiene
  5. Good with my son
  6. Likes the beach
  7. Picks up the check
  8. Wants to spend time with me
  9. Washes the dishes
  10. Self-starter
  11. Wants to dance
  12. Not jealous of man friends
  13. Not jealous of woman friends
  14. Is a great kisser
  15. Loves foreplay
  16. Likes to read
  17. Likes to go hiking
  18. Into sustainable living
  19. Likes to be social
  20. Is genuinely nice
  21. Does things because he cares
  22. Is not pretentious
  23. Enjoys lots of music
  24. Is intellectually stimulating
  25. Is sexually stimulating
  26. Enjoys museums
  27. Likes to learn
  28. Likes gourmet food
  29. Wears decent clothes
  30. LIkes to relax
  31. Doesn’t watch too much TV
  32. Likes to go to the movies
  33. Cares about people
  34. Treats everything with respect
  35. Has good credit
  36. Has a clean house
  37. Enjoys art
  38. Likes to go thrifting
  39. Doesn’t belittle me
  40. Says interesting and nice things
  41. Likes to have fun
  42. Isn’t always serious
  43. Is very spiritual
  44. Open to new ideas
  45. Doesn’t judge people
  46. Loves life
  47. Doesn’t wear cologne
  48. Likes to be active and healthy
  49. Not a bullshitter
  50. He likes to touch my hair
  51. My partner my parents
  52. Likes my family
  53. Environmentally conscious
  54. Non-smoker
  55. Social drinker
  56. Helps with cleanup naturally
  57. Is very passionate
  58. Is not obsessed about any of the above

 

OK . . . I guess my dating after divorce list was closer to 60

 

Dang! My boyfriend at the time had these traits going for him. He wasn’t the most ambitious man on the planet. He once said, “I can’t even get on welfare,” like that was the most terrible thing of the year.

 

My old flame that wasn’t my new flame long after I created this list. He only had 7 out of 60ish traits I wanted in a partner. This was about 11% I believe. (I’m terrible in math so don’t hesitate to tell me it’s the wrong answer, haha).

 

Know this— 11% is not enough!

 

However, at that point in my life, I didn’t even know what I wanted until the day I left my therapist’s office. So it wasn’t too soon for me to start dating after divorce, just for the experience of learning what I wanted quickly.

 

Dating after divorce probably won’t be perfect, and that’s perfectly normal. I call dating after a breakup “dating therapy.” What I love about it is that you attract people that are in a similar space as you.

Like attracts like

 

So if you don’t have your act together yet— you’re going to meet that guy who doesn’t have a penny to his name like my first romantic partner after my breakup.

 

Getting divorced doesn’t mean that the world is over. In fact, you’re just getting started. Getting divorced is the beginning of your new incredible growth. This is the time you get to discover what makes you tick.

 

If you want to get ready for divorce, learn to trust yourself and your gut

 

If you’re ready to get out there, meet people and start dating, I say go for it. I did and loved every minute of it because of all the clarity I was given. But on the flipside, it’s also good to get to know yourself. But you can also do this in the company of others. This is how you learn about relationships even faster.

 

Even though you may make some stupid mistakes. Like falling for the wrong guy ( I’ve done this more than one time in my life, haha), or getting intimate too soon. Or thinking that lust is love. Our thinking that it’s not so bad that he doesn’t take good care of his dog and lets it poop all over the house.

 

You’ll learn through experience. So I say if you wanna date. Get out there and date. Enjoy it. Embrace your life as it is now. Learn to love yourself and allow yourself to open your heart again. Maybe not today, and perhaps not tomorrow— But someday. Love can happen when you least expect it.

 

About The Author

Dina Colada

Dina is the founder and love ambassador of Dina Colada. She is on a mission to help you create epic LOVE in your life. Learn how to heal your heart, flirt, change your negative beliefs and find the real love that you are looking for!

Leave your facebook comments here!

Leave A Response

* Denotes Required Field